“Relationships are imperfections”

A friend quoted another’s adage over the phone last night. Yes I agreed, they are, but what would we do without them?

It came clear as the conversation progressed that the root of the fore-stated comment was after recent shouting matches with her on-off-partner.

Thinking in the bigger scheme of current events, I've noticed how much of their conversation people devote to talking about their relationships - and not usually with the person they're in the relationship with.

I’m not speaking here about the entire spectrum of social interaction of course. I do not mean employers, friends, siblings, parents or others – with whom, granted we may have less than perfect relationships. I'm refering to times when people’s hot topic of choice is their significant other, who may ideally be a friend, but is in the fortunate position of sleeping with them too.

From a scant non-national, non-exhaustive study of the species, it appears that beyond the honeymoon period when being with someone new is exciting and electric, when we speak of our relationships it is less to celebrate the others’ good points than to ponder what they could do better.

At a party last night, a friend shared concerns that the woman he is “seeing” is not “the one.” He said: “I know I’m never going to fall in love with her because I want more.” It turns out that the “more” he seeks is manifest amply within his circle friends. His relationship is the soothing balm to go home to at the end of it all to wake up to on Sunday morning. Sounds good to me. Opposites attract and all that. He conceded my point and reconsidered his views.

A nearby source who has been married for thirty-eight years said the relationship's success owed everything to compromise. Add to this a story I wrote for my paper a couple of months ago on a couple who were celebrating their 60th diamond anniversary. The seventy-eight year old husband’s secret was along a similar compromising line. He said: “I love my wife, so I’ve never strayed. It’s that simple. ”

Perhaps it is ego-obsessed arrogance that makes the rest of us struggle with negotiation. Or maybe we suspect somewhere not too far, the grass is that bit greener.

I can't help thinking if we thought about the sad prospect of being lonely we’d settle down and enjoy what we have. Or get on with ironing out those creases we're not happy about rather than just talking about them all the time. If it's broke, fix it. And if it ain't, think how pretty it is.

Image: group de quatre nus (Four Nudes) - Tamara de Lempicka